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August 2018 “I am scared Lord” With their London concert fast approaching, my confidence was evaporating. “God, you know I would like to go, but I don't want to. How many fans do they have that it is an anti-fan like me that you are going to send there? How many people on this earth that are more beautiful, gifted and talented than 'something' like me. I don’t want to go. I’m not going” I needed a confidence boost... “You know what God... I am planning on going to that place

I felt nauseous but I loved the food I ate so much that I would not allow myself to vomit it. In the following weeks, I went through “so

July 2018. I had a dream. I was standing on the walls of a fortress and could see the “Pied Pipers” running. It was as if they were running away from something. But what? I understood when one of them got shot. The members ran backward to help the wounded one then started running again. What was going on? I looked around me and realised that I was not on the walls of a fortress, but of a maze with no apparent exit. What kind of dream was that? Apart from their RunBTS! series

I was also very happy to be part of a welcoming and friendly online community. But for how long?

--- A few weeks later --- December 2017 “RIP Jonghyun ” Uh?? “Why are people saying that? What a disgusting joke” I thought. No, it wasn’t a joke. Jonghyun, a member of the K-Pop group SHINEE had passed away. Oh, how much I wept for someone I’ve never met and barely knew. Especially, after hearing the cause of his passing: Cause of death: Suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning. Possibly due to depression. What? Oh, how upset I was. So young. I knew that when depression gets a h

December 2017. I had just released the first two videos. “Oh, you can get money through YouTube???” I exclaimed. What an excellent news for a broke student. Two weeks later... Analytics for the past two weeks: 3 views. £0.00. Uh? No no no. Something was wrong. A big news should get big views. Isn’t it? I had no clue how the platform worked lol. I thought that I did not do it properly so I deleted the videos... The following day I had such a terrible back pain. As if I had bee

KPOP is perfectionism itself...In the western music industry, the symbols and lyrics are so blatant and straight to the point that there is

Summer 2017. “No way!!! That cannot be!!!” During the summer of 2017, I was looking for something to watch and this documentary popped up...Nah, it did not. I literally looked for it by typing “K-Pop documentary” and then it showed up. After watching it, I was not feeling too comfortable. A few things said during the interview were bothering me. “An icon that supersedes cultural differences will arise. This process has already started. [...] In 5 years...or within five years

“Wanting a bit of fun, you played a game. Now looking for the exit, you cannot find it. These little gifts on the way, you don’t even know why they’re here or where they’re coming from, but you still take them because they’re making you feel a little bit better. They knew it. Only needed beautiful ribbons to keep you amazed. That’s how they keep you chained and locked up in this maze.” - Kitania Rose In September 2017, BTS released an album called Love Yourself: Her. On the

I had a plan. I wanted to share my experience to people and perhaps get to know if they had gone through some of the struggles I was facing. But, I was not sure how to start, where to go and ultimately if it was something God would be ok with. I remembered reading something in the Bible about people casting lots to know God’s will in a given situation. Umm...” Why not” I thought. I was convinced God could do the same today if He wanted to. So, I took three post-it and wrote o